… and not of the fictional variety.

Warning: This is a me-me-me post, with some existential angst and whining on the side. Skip as desired!

A lot of writers struggle to make time for writing. I know I’m not alone there.Writing comes at the cost of family, friends, work, housekeeping — but it’s worth it, because it’s our passion, right? You have to make sacrifices for your passion.

But what if you have more than one passion? What if finishing a book gives you the same thrill and contentment and joy as finishing a drawing – and after years of trying, you still can’t find a way to balance the two?

That’s the predicament I find myself in now. I love art. I went to school for it. I want to keep doing it for the rest of my life – both because of sentimental and practical reasons: I make more money with a single drawing than I have with all my writing put together.

But for reasons of the neurological variety, I can’t multitask. I already struggle to keep up with housekeeping and a social life in addition to writing. If I’m willing/able to deal with stress, I can add the occasional Extra Activity: actual work, or reading, or art… but not all of those. Not even close. Something’s gotta give.

So I’ve been neglecting art these past few years in order to focus on writing. About once or twice a year I feel inspired to do more, I stock up on art supplies and brainstorm ideas for drawings and maybe even do a sketch or two — and then I feel bad that I’m so behind on my writing, and let the art slide. When I finally get around to dealing with agents and editors and deadlines, imagine how much worse it’ll be? Then I won’t have the opportunity to postpone writing for weeks or months at a time, and that’s the only way I ever get any art done.

Basically, I need to make some sort of decision.

This week, I realized that I pretty much did: in October, I received an invitation to participate in an exposition. The theme was Black & White. Right up my alley. Charcoal rules, y’all.

The deadline to submit was yesterday.

I’m not happy with this decision, such as it is. But I wouldn’t be the other way around, either. When I write, I feel like I should be drawing. When I draw, I feel like I should be writing.

Sometimes, having less ambition would be nice.

No WIP Wednesday for me today: the mermaid story I posted about last week is going woefully slow. I’m thinking that one of these stories that may work better as vague snippets in my mind than an actual story. This does not bode well.

Things are quiet on the writing front in general. I’ve been mulling over suggestions I got for Always Read the Fae Print and waiting for more. I’m still hoping I can power through draft four and have it ready to send out to agents before spring, but based on the scale of the upcoming revisions, it’s looking doubtful.

For the most part, I’ve been keeping myself busy with art. This weekend was the Realisme Amsterdam beurs, which included three of my drawings. I had a good time there, but tiring, as I agreed to do small, free portraits for visitors in order to help promote my old school. I ended up doing twenty-three over the course of three days.

Yeah, I know.

I forgot to take pictures of a couple, but here’s the rest:

I was too lazy to edit them all properly in Photoshop. It’ll have to do.

I also did some other art – this time of two of my Always Read the Fae Print characters, Merel and Lillian. I’m playing a bit with working from reference in a less realistic style than usual, and experimenting with livelier expressions and shading.

All of this is, of course, practice for Ye Graphic Novel Project with K.V. Taylor, which I’m dreading and looking forward to in equal amounts.

I’m kind of in one of those in-between zones at the moment. It’ll probably grow boring damn soon, but for now, the peace and quiet is nice.

In news completely unrelated to the commission I just finished (see left): I heard from the exposition committee yesterday, and I’m ever-so-pleased to announce that my work was selected! (Unanimously, too. Gotta point that out…)

So, should you be in the neighbourhood at any point between 14 and 17 January 2010, make sure to drop by Realisme ’10 to see some of my artwork in the flesh/paper/charcoal/pastel. It’s the first exposition where I’ll be actually selling work. I am – as usual when something is new and shiny – ridiculously excited.

And slightly nervous, but, er, don’t tell anyone.

In equally important news, I bring updates on the WIP – The Cat Formerly Known As Romy, Currently Known As Milla:

I think that just about says it all.

(I’d post some writing updates too because it’s been so long, but I’ve been mostly caught up with beta reading, incessant plotting, and fretting over imminent Always Read the Fae Print edits. Such is life.)

No updates for a while, I know.

In part, this is because I’ve given up on NaNo (mental health stuff, long story) and haven’t particularly felt like admitting this publicly. You understand, I’m sure – the undying shame is a bit much. I made it to 18.7k, and am undecided on whether to finish it at some point or not. For now, I’m leaning towards yes, and am tentatively brainstorming plot fixes.

In part, it’s because my cat Shady, who’d been with me for nineteen years, recently died, which has been hard on me. I didn’t feel like I could do a blog post without mentioning that, and wasn’t quite sure how to go about it, so, er, I guess this is it. I’d go into it more, but I’m not exactly sure what to say, so, y’know. I won’t.

In part, it’s because I’m terribly, terribly lazy.

In short – I managed to complete enough work to submit to the exposition, and over the course of the next month or so will be doing a bunch of posts where I show off my process. It’s not a particularly exciting process, involving a lot of pastel dust and tea, but I have to have something to fill up this blog with, right?

So let’s get to it. Drawing number one, also known as “Nekkid #1″ and “Boobies!” and a variety of other names, none of which are suitable for the actual exposition.

My set-up. Lots and lots of soft pastels and pastel pencils, a fancy easel, and a computer to have the reference photo on. (I hear it’s a good multi-tasker, too. It might even be able to use Twitter and check your e-mail while you’re drawing. Just sayin’.)

As far as the drawing goes – this is 50x65cm drawing paper, 200 grams per square meter. Initially I sketched the drawing – including the shading outlines – with a brown pencil, which you should be able to see if you full-view, then went over it with a darker pencil. When I was happy with the basic shape and proportions, I started sketching in the darkest parts.

(This photo was taken on Wednesday, November 4th, 8.56 PM.)

Introduced two new colours. (Photo taken: 9.09 PM.)

… and a couple more, eventually layering them. (Photos taken: 9.17 PM, 9.34 PM, 9.59 PM.)

More colours and more layering. It’s starting to take shape, especially when looked at from a distance. (10.37 PM.)

Adding in a background. In this case, because the focus is on the body, there doesn’t need to be much detail. The darkness is essential, though – both because the intense shadows on the body indicate dark surroundings, and to make the light pop more. With the shape basically there, the trick now is to get the colours to look right, and for them to blend well. This includes an awful lot of layering and blending – which I do with my fingers, which is something nearly every professional will tell you not to do. I’m a rebel, I guess.

Because of the way the light changes between photos – day, night, lamps, flash or no flash, etc. – the colours look very different between shots. In this case, the photo on the right is closest to reality. (Photos taken: Tuesday, November 4th, 11.05 PM; Wednesday, November 5th, 1.40 PM. I’m a late sleeper.)

It seems a bit ridiculous to update photos with so little changes between them, but I decided to go ahead anyway, because… that’s kind of the point. As the times I keep mentioning indicate, I draw fast. The basic set-up is usually done in a matter of hours. Actually finishing it is a matter of days of continuous work. You might not be able to see it, but it’s there, and it’s an equally important part of the process. (2.00 PM.)

And on the topic of silly details… Here’s some other parts of the process. Smudging by hand has its side effects, and working with pastels this intensively causes huge amount of pastel dust build-up. You should be able to see a bunch inbetween the pastel sticks, as well as gravity-defying lines on the paper.

It is generally a good idea to draw/colour all parts of the body at the same time – that way you don’t have to look around to see what colours you used, you don’t suddenly realise you forgot about [x], et cetera.

As a rule, I don’t have good ideas, and will save the face for last. (Thursday, November 5th, 11.57PM; Friday, November 6th, 12.10 AM & 12.22 AM.)

More ridiculous detail work. Spot the differences! (Friday, November 6th, 2.29 PM & 3.11 PM.)

… and then we come to something resembling an end. I’m sure I made more changes after this – among other things, I extended the background on the right – but you get the point. (Photo taken: Saturday, November 7, 11.22 PM. As you can imagine, I skipped a ton of shots inbetween.)

A note on all the times listed: I am an awful procrastinator, and there’s a good chance I did things like check my e-mail, chat online, Twitter, watch TV, eat lunch, pet my cat, and stare off into nothingness in-between shots. This makes those times totally unreliable, but hey, it’s better than nothing.

Also, none of these photos were edited in any way. They’re straight from the camera.

I hope this was somewhat interesting/informative to those of you interested in art – or at least my art, because lord knows this is hardly a how-to guide. If you’ve got any questions, holler, and I’ll do my best to answer them.

And check back in on some day that’s not Wednesday for progress shot on another drawing. Next up: charcoal. My favourite

13197 / 50000 words. 26% done!

The world is giving me conflicting messages.

First, Changelings You Should Know About blows up in my face, prompting me to work on Stranger instead; I figure I’ll give it a few days to see if it works out, and if not, I’ll go focus on editing Always Read the Fae Print. To my surprise, Stranger chugs along nicely, ending every day with a word count well ahead of schedule. There’s minor panic, because I have no ending, and no outline–until it gives me an ending and an outline.

Huzzah.

I’m optimistic. Happy to be writing a rough draft again, happy to be making progress, happy to have a freakin’ ending.

And then the world decides to be a jerk and sends me an invitation to a fancy art exposition–which would be fabulous, except I have to submit my art by November 20th.

SIGH.

So NaNo’s getting put on halt while I try to dash out four exposition-worthy pieces of art in record time. After that, I’ll have another ten days to try to finish the book in.

I can do that, right? I wrote a whole 70k in ten days last year. How hard can this be?

Gulp.

To spare you my OVERWHELMING PANIC, here’s your daily Face Your Manga dose.

Here’s two characters from Wielders, a book that’s technically shelved–but its characters won’t get out of my head. You know how it goes. On the left, Emily, who actually sports a dashing ‘fro, but the avatar maker didn’t sport that option. Not cool. Anyway, she’s an living breathing emo train, but the cutest one you ever did see.

On the right, Nicholas, the self-centered jerk every book truly needs.

… I have no cutesy anecdotes. He’s just a jerk. Sorry, Nicholas.

Anyway, I need to get back to drawing nekkid people, lest I get behind. (Did I mention this exposition has a theme? ‘Cause it does: nekkid people. How many people have a job that forces them to study nekkid people all day long? Seriously.)

Let me start this off by posting a shaky YouTube video of what I spotted on TV on July 1st:

Yep. That’s my back. That’s my back twice. Oh, happy days!

This means that, yes, my Sterren op het Doek episode aired the day after, on Thursday, July 2nd, and yes, it also means I’m an awful, awful slacker for not updating sooner.

Seeing myself on TV was a bizarre yet wonderful experience. There were a few bits I couldn’t help but cringe at – they mispronounced my name, they showed a portrait not mine in my intro, and in a couple of scenes I was a nervous wreck, giggling almost enough to fool myself into thinking I was a thirteen-year-old girl.

But all in all? So cool. So, so cool. Giggling excluded, I’m very happy with the scenes they showed and how both my work and myself came across.

Speaking of my work – I’m finally allowed to show the portraits:

Unfortunately, the charcoal portrait didn’t make it into the episode. It was the first portrait I did, and though I was quite happy with it, I had enough time left to do another portrait…

… using soft pastels, this time, a technique I hadn’t done in over a year. Despite having completely forgotten how to actually work with soft pastels, I was happy enough with the results to pick this portrait to offer to Foppe de Haan.

He didn’t choose my portrait – he went for Anneke Boot‘s instead – but I’m a-okay with that. This is a business of personal taste, after all, and it gave me the chance to see how well my portrait did in the auction, which ran from Thursday evening through Wednesday afternoon. It ended up earning €500 for charity, which I’m pretty darned pleased with.

Those of you interested in viewing the episode can find it online here. It’s entirely in Dutch, and lasts about half an hour.

To those of you in the Netherlands, the Sterren op het Doek exposition is currently located in the Openluchtmuseum in Arnhem; you’ll be able to view the pastel portrait above in real life, as well as the other seventeen gorgeous portraits produced in this season.

I’ve also got some other work scattered around on my computer, which I’ll probably show over the next couple of blog posts – the ones you can see here are sketches I did when I was on holiday last month. On the left, a sketch of actor Kevin Zegers, portraying a character from KV Taylor‘s novel Wolfton Paranormal. On the right is fellow vacation-goer Henry, a very nice German man who didn’t speak a word of English – which made for great conversation, as my German is really nothing more than heavily accented Dutch.

More to follow later, no doubt!

The trailer’s out!

This probably won’t be as much interest to the English-speaking crowd – that is, ninety percent of my blog readers – but there’s a preview of season three of Sterren op het Doek, the TV show I’m participating in, on the website linked above. It’s a compilation of roughly ten minutes long, in which you’ll be able to catch three glimpses of me, plus one of the portrait I did.

I would like to say I was entirely composed upon first watching this at work this afternoon. It certainly wasn’t like me to run through the building to force the clip on my boss and co-workers, or to fire up Twitter and squee about it for a couple of minutes before realising I should probably post a link.

No. Definitely not like me.

In related news, the exposition linked to the show opened in Utrecht last Friday. The schedule is as follows:

• Spoorwegmuseum, Utrecht, 5 June – 28 June
• Openluchtmuseum, Arnhem, 3 July – 26 July
• Zuiderzeemuseum, Enkhuizen, 31 July – 23 August

Anyway: I’ve been home about a week now, and only just starting to feel human. Work and similar unpleasantries kept me busy, but I feel like I’ve finally gotten some things in order – including making good headway on a commission and raking up at least one more. Isn’t it typical how you’ve got a clear schedule all year, and then in one month, suddenly everyone is clamouring for a piece of your time? I’m not complaining in the least, though!

I’m going to have to keep this short, since I’m busy with preparations for my holiday tomorrow (ee!):

My Sterren op het Doek episode will air on July 2nd, Nederland 2. The time isn’t 100% certain yet, but will likely be either 20.50 or 21.25… which is irrelevant to most of you, anyway! It’ll be online the next day, so I’ll make sure to link to it, in case any of you feel like stomaching half an hour of subtitle-less Dutch television.

One of the portraits I made will also be part of the travelling exposition, which will take off in Utrecht starting June 5th.

Add all of that to the commissions I’ve been getting since last week, and this fame and fortune thing is really starting to take off. Excellent!

Though I actually finished this drawing about a week ago, it seems much longer, and I didn’t get around to photographing it until yesterday. It’s an A3 charcoal portrait of an almost 3-year-old Akita named Razzi. He’s not mine, but he’s over at the house often enough that he might as well be, and I don’t mind it one bit. He’s lovely. This is coming from a fervent cat person, so that means a lot.

It’s not my best work by far, and there are still a lot of things about it I’m not happy about, but it does look like him and that’s the most important part. It was fun to get to mess around with charcoal and try to get the fur right.

Today, I went to the Realism 2009 exposition in Amsterdam, to draw free portraits of visitors and help promote my old art school. I figured, why not? It’s good marketing for both me and the school, and it’ll get me drawing more. In addition, not to mention the benefits to my ego. These were very small pencil sketches – about half letter size – done in roughly 15-30 minutes, under god-awful lighting conditions after over half a year of zero model drawing. Possibly, I should have prepared al little more.

Anyway, I did six portraits in all (one was too embarrassing to show), and though I’m not ultimately pleased with all the work I did, it was good to get to do work, period. I also had a few conversations with some really nice people, and even dragged a potential client out of it. Considering I haven’t done a commission in months – and that’s one that had been waiting for over a year – I hope it’ll go through. We’ll see.

On the writing front, what little news there is is less exciting: I finished the rough draft of a short story that still needs heavy editing, and I’m continuing to plot my revisions for the next draft of Always Read the Fae Print, which I hope to tackle in February. Good times. Occasionally complex and mind-meltingly frustrating times, but mostly good.

And lastly, on a brand new front that’s a thrilling mix between art and writing — I recently commissioned Peter Nguyen for a sketch of a Wielders character, and he came up with the way-too-awesome-for-its-own good sketch on the left. I still clap my hands in giddy glee whenever I see it.